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The question everyone is currently asking is "how was your first semester of college?" So I thought I'd answer. (I think there is some biological process that explains why people always ask the same questions over and over. Some one should get a grant and study it. Seriously.)
So my first semester... It's been pretty good over all. The first two months or so I was terribly homesick; for Uz, BFA... It's hard leaving everything at once. The homesickness has gotten better, though it still creeps up at unexpected times. This morning I was having a mandarin for breakfast, and the smell made me think of christmas at home in Tashkent, 'cause we always had mandarins in December. It made me think of my foster sister, Julie and how much she loved them.
God's been doing a lot, showing me in the first few months how much I need him. He's been incredibly good to me, reminding me how much he loves me and telling me I need to trust him to reach out more.
Academically, I've been doing pretty well, I think. I'll find out more when all my finals are done. I've loved my classes- Int. relations theory has been stretching, and the honors program I'm in has been fun. I've done my usual not enough studying and still done pretty well.
I've made some good friends, though its been tough. I'm still learning all those social customs... Like not to respond when someone asks me how I am.
My job at the library is awesome- I saw a book on the history of Kandern the other day! I couldn't find any mention of bfa though... But its fun and the pay is pretty good.
So yeah. I'm 1/8 done with college. Scary thought.
Have a great Christmas everyone.

This evening I was i my room, working on my history project, when an announcement came"SENIORS COME TO THE OFFICE!" so of course I went, expecting something normal like grad plans or a movie. But instead (drum roll or role, I'm nost sure, please).... Yearbooks! Our senior yearbooks! with our quotes and Rome. It is an aweome yearbook to everyone who worked on it!

Of course, any studying for the evening was pretty much gone, So Rachel L and I snuggled up on our comfiest couch and looked at it. Senior quotes are so cool when you know the people, know the context and when you were sometimes even there. And someone told me they loved my quotes, which was encouraging.

Yearbooks, however, mean THE END IS NEAR (as if I hadn't noticed already) because what you do with yearbooks is sign them, and what you say is goodbye.

I love the pictures and the lay out and my friends. But now its time to say goodbye. I'm realising, the reason I'm scared to leave bfa is because I belong, because I am loved. And it is the constant fear of anyone who leaves that they can't go back. Not just home, but to a place where they are loved, where they belong. I'm sure (consiously) that I'll find my niche next year to belong. But subconsiously... I hope, I pray, I cry (the wet and the audible kind) that I will be loved, that I will belong. It seems almost unlikely, because bfa has meant so much, and I feel so at home, and I'm going to the states. Two thoughts sustain me. God is with me, he loves me, knows what he is doing, and second, I'm taking bfa with me, in my yearbook, in my boa, in my photos, and in my heart.

The third thought of course is "I did it here. I found a place, I have come to belong. I'll do it again, and again, and again, for the rest of my life." my cynisim and brokenness coming out. I'm tired of packing up and moving and hoping and praying. My mom is fond of saying that living in one house for eighteen years doesn't make you happy or sane, but there are days I almost think about wishing it. I love my life, but I hate leaving. God is good. God is good. It's gonna be okay. I'll find love, I'll find friends, laughter and joy.

It is almost 11 and I am tired and am going to bed to read my yearbook.

Love you all

Shannon